Saturday, December 29, 2007

Small towns are great for that

OK, Class. Please raise your hand if you clearly ate too many slices of carrot cake over the past week? Good. It's good to know I'm not alone. I hope everyone had a wondeful holiday! Only a couple more days until we're all done with 2007!

I have really enjoyed being at home. I've had lots of time with my parents, and I've gotten to see my brother and sister-in-law and my little nephew. I had originally thought about driving up to Nashville to visit NewMama and her family, but it doesn't look like that will work out this time around. I have eaten wayyyyy to much excellent, home-cooked food... carrot cake....potato salad.... chewy cookies.... pecan pralines.... just too much in general. Everyone was happy with the gifts I brought home for them, and I'm super excited about the gifts I received, as well. It's been a good holiday.

And then last night, it happened.

I was going to go with my parents to see a movie, and we were waiting in line for popcorn ('cause I was so hungry!), and I turned around to see my ex-fiancee with his new wife. Since I live so far from home, this is the first time I've seen him since we split up. Perhaps a bit of back-story is necessary here.

We started dating just as I started high school. I am now 29. We broke up less than 2 years ago. You do the math. No, I'LL do the math---we dated for 13 years. We were engaged for almost 2 years. Then, it became obvious that we wanted different things (he wanted to be close to his family; I wanted to be close to my family too, but I also wanted him to not be a dictator), and we split up. A couple of months later, I heard through the grapevine (which is quite extensive when you come from a small town) that he was "an item" with this girl. Not coincidentally, this was a girl that we both knew growing up and whom he had mentioned to me a couple of times near the end of our relationship when things were particularly rocky. Mama didn't raise no fool.

Then, one day this year, my mom called to tell me that they'd been married. This was slightly more than a year after our 13-year relationship had ended.

I wish I could say that I handled the situation with grace and wisdom, like Little Miss Runner Pants would have. I can say that I have no regrets. It was absolutely the right decision to break up. But it was still immensely painful to have to sit two rows behind him, with his arm around his new wife.... occasionally turning to kiss her during the movie as if to rub my nose in it... it was immensely painful that I evidently meant so little to him while he meant so much to me. It was a harsh reminder of how easily I was cast aside and replaced by a better, more close-to-home model.

After 13 years of someone being in your life every day, you would hope that you could remain friends. And maybe one of these days (give it another 10 years) we can be friends. But this time, we didn't speak, we didn't even look each other in the eye. But I did manage to not flee from the theater, and I did manage to not cry until after the movie was over and I was safely back in my parents car. And I was able to honestly say that I didn't want to trade places with her, no matter how worthless and cast-aside I felt. I consider that a pretty huge victory.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


OK, folks. I had my 1000th visitor on Monday! Yay me!

Sadly, they found my humble little webspace by Googling "running shirts with thumb holes".

So perhaps I haven't completely arrived yet....

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

And so this is Christmas

I won't bore you with the details of why I haven't been running. I live in Denver, you've probably seen the weather, I've mentioned how I detest treadmills... You get the idea. All in all, I'm very disappointed with myself. I had every intention of getting back out there and running again as soon as I got better from my cold, but... that was last week and so far I haven't, and I'm going home for the holidays soon... Let's just suffice it to say that I'll be ending the year hating myself for coming very far and eventually failing.

I got new pictures of the cutest baby on the planet yesterday... Here is the angel, only 6 months old, but already stealing the hearts of many... Honestly people? Is she not the cutest baby you have ever seen? You can find more photos by this artist here.

Beware, abrupt gear shift ahead...

The holidays are a tricky time for me. There aren't many other times of the year when you can really feel the measure of a year (there is really only 1 more day that puts a year into such stark relief). It's easy to look back and think "at this time last year, I was..." And sometimes it's really hard to do. This year in particular, I haven't come as far as I would have liked. I haven't improved my relationships as much as I wanted to, I haven't gained as much confidence, I haven't learned to like myself any better. I've never really been one for "resolutions" per se, but at the end of each year, I guess I do have a few vaguely formed ideas in the corners of my mind of how I hope I'll improve over the next 12 months.

I've been more in the Christmas spirit this year than for many years past. I have bought more presents for family and friends, I've listened to more Christmas music, I've been more excited about going home. But, I've also never been more sad.

I wanted to come here and whip up a witty little self-deprecating post about my lack of running. I wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday and let everyone know that I'll be back in action soon (I still do plan on running the marathon in Nashville!)... Sometimes you just don't have it.