The highs and lows...

The Denver Half Marathon is 18 days away, and I've got a big problem.

The group run on Saturday was the infamous "Parker Run". I've been hearing tales of its mercilessness since I joined the group several weeks ago. My 7 mile run a few weeks ago was hilly but, as everyone reminded each other as we collected back in the parking lot to retrieve our keys, "it wasn't quite as bad as Parker..."

On top of all this anticipation, I may or may not have mentioned before that as my long runs get to 7+miles, I feel a little unsure of myself. I'm not sure why 7 is the trigger, but for me, it is. Also, just coming off that awful 8miler that I did in TN... well, let's just say I was a little intimidated by my 9miler from the get-go.

So, I don't know if it was my attitude or if it was just the hills, but my 9miler turned out about like I expected it would. I couldn't make the hills. I had to stop and walk. I ran S-L-O-W on the parts where I could run at all. Even on the way back, when it was mostly downhill, I didn't run very strong. Maybe that was due to the completely demoralizing run out right before? Either way, I kept on going and only had to walk maybe a half mile out of the entire thing... But it wasn't a great day.

Big deal, right? Bad runs happen to everyone, and I shouldn't have been surprised by this one, considering all the advance warning I'd received by other members of the group.

The problem is... that run stole everything from me. I dragged back to my car with no confidence whatsoever. All of the sudden, I'm very fearful that I'm not ready for Denver. I feel undertrained and weak and just not ready. It even stole my motivation. I could barely force myself to run a measly 2miles yesterday after work. I didn't want to run. I would have rather gone home and watched TV.

Maybe it wasn't just the Parker run. Maybe it was the combination of the TN run along with the Parker run. Maybe it's all those weeknight runs I missed when my foot was hurting too bad to run. Maybe it's my haphazard diet? Maybe it's just old habits that come back too easily when the tide is going against me?

Whatever the cause of it, I am scared. I wanted to feel much differently about the race at this stage in the game.

This weekend I have a 10miler at the good ol' Highline Canal. Miah says that he thinks going back to where it all started will be good for me. He thinks that knowing the route and not being intimidated by it will help me recover from this latest trip-and-fall. He also thinks I can "think" my way out of my current attitude and back into confidence.

I'm trying, but I'm not so sure it's going to work.