The highs and lows...

The Denver Half Marathon is 18 days away, and I've got a big problem.

The group run on Saturday was the infamous "Parker Run". I've been hearing tales of its mercilessness since I joined the group several weeks ago. My 7 mile run a few weeks ago was hilly but, as everyone reminded each other as we collected back in the parking lot to retrieve our keys, "it wasn't quite as bad as Parker..."

On top of all this anticipation, I may or may not have mentioned before that as my long runs get to 7+miles, I feel a little unsure of myself. I'm not sure why 7 is the trigger, but for me, it is. Also, just coming off that awful 8miler that I did in TN... well, let's just say I was a little intimidated by my 9miler from the get-go.

So, I don't know if it was my attitude or if it was just the hills, but my 9miler turned out about like I expected it would. I couldn't make the hills. I had to stop and walk. I ran S-L-O-W on the parts where I could run at all. Even on the way back, when it was mostly downhill, I didn't run very strong. Maybe that was due to the completely demoralizing run out right before? Either way, I kept on going and only had to walk maybe a half mile out of the entire thing... But it wasn't a great day.

Big deal, right? Bad runs happen to everyone, and I shouldn't have been surprised by this one, considering all the advance warning I'd received by other members of the group.

The problem is... that run stole everything from me. I dragged back to my car with no confidence whatsoever. All of the sudden, I'm very fearful that I'm not ready for Denver. I feel undertrained and weak and just not ready. It even stole my motivation. I could barely force myself to run a measly 2miles yesterday after work. I didn't want to run. I would have rather gone home and watched TV.

Maybe it wasn't just the Parker run. Maybe it was the combination of the TN run along with the Parker run. Maybe it's all those weeknight runs I missed when my foot was hurting too bad to run. Maybe it's my haphazard diet? Maybe it's just old habits that come back too easily when the tide is going against me?

Whatever the cause of it, I am scared. I wanted to feel much differently about the race at this stage in the game.

This weekend I have a 10miler at the good ol' Highline Canal. Miah says that he thinks going back to where it all started will be good for me. He thinks that knowing the route and not being intimidated by it will help me recover from this latest trip-and-fall. He also thinks I can "think" my way out of my current attitude and back into confidence.

I'm trying, but I'm not so sure it's going to work.

Wow...yesterday's group run... lots of things...

I did 6.4 miles.

I have trouble deciphering from my Garmin track this time, and because the idea of reporting my "distance covered" separately from my "running" is starting to give me anxiety over walking at all, I've decided to just lump it all together from now on. Hence, I ran/walked 6.4 miles. Another new PR for me!

I arrived at the start point a full 30 minutes ahead of schedule (blame this on my irrational fear of being late) and sat in my car listening to music for a while. The air was cold and dry, and I got to watch the sunrise. As I watched the sun come up and saw what a great day was ahead, I successfully calmed that terrible inner voice that so often plagues me (the one that says "An hour and 45 minutes? Are you crazy?"). I took my very first ever GU (tri-berry w/ caffeine, and the consistency is very similar to Hershey's Caramel Syrup that you pour on ice cream) which I very quickly chased with water, and I was ready to go.

We headed off on the Cheery Creek (a.k.a. Concrete Torture) Trail, walking at first, then speeding up (slightly) to a nice run. The course yesterday was entirely through city streets, so there was a lot of waiting at stop lights, etc. It interrupted my running hypnosis, and I found it hard to stay in a nice rhythm. On and on we went, though, past the Cherry Creek Mall and the Denver Country Club, all the way down to Washington Park. If I hadn't gotten lost at one point, this would have been 3 miles.

As I arrived at the park, I was happy to see that I'd reached the water station. On all my previous group runs, my slow pace has kept me from reaching the water station in the allotted time. So, I felt like I'd gained a small victory. Woohoo! I walked a minute, took another GU (Strawberry Banana w/o Caffeine) and washed it down with some water, and I was on my way back.

I think the GU really helps, people. I was in pretty serious need of a little boost, and about a quarter of a mile into the trip back, I found the extra energy I was needing. It kept me going for another mile and a half or so. As I approached the finish, I was spent, though. I had to run/walk the last mile.

Initially, I was slightly disappointed that I wasn't able to run the full 6, but all in all, it was a decent group run for me. No aches and pains to speak of, just general fatigue at the end that kept me from realizing the full 6. A day later, I'm pleased with how it went, actually.

Afterwards, I got sick. I've narrowed down the reasons to one of the following:

1. I didn't sleep enough the night before,
2. I pushed myself too hard,
   
3. GU does not agree with me, or
   
4. In my haste to be modest, I got too hot because I put on my sweatshirt immediately after finishing and then went into a small hot room to have breakfast with the team.

I am not blaming the GU at this point, because I'd like to try it again, and I wasn't in severe pain, which makes me think that I didn't push myself too hard. I probably didn't sleep enough before this run, and I probably should have sucked it up and let my bare arms show for a few minutes to properly cool down.

At the Team Hero breakfast following the run, we heard from Dr. B. (Dr. B is the man on my team who, if you remember, raised $8000 in the week after the kickoff meeting.) I assumed he was going to talk about fundraising, for obvious reasons, but instead he told a story of a family that he knew.

The 2-year old daughter had been sick for a while, and doctors had been unable to determine what was wrong with her. She kept getting worse; her eyes were swollen shut and her body weight had doubled due to all of the fluids she was retaining. So her family took her to see a pediatric specialist in Seattle. The doctors in Seattle didn't have any immediate answers either, so they brought their daughter back to Denver. Six hours after arriving home from the airport, the doctors in Seattle called and said that the girl had Leukemia, and her only chance would be to take part in a research study with a new drug that didn't even have a name yet. They said she may not make it through the night, and they needed to get her back to Seattle as soon as possible.

Of course, they caught the next flight back to Seattle and got their daughter started on this new unnamed drug. 100 hospital days later, she was cancer free. She had trouble for a few years (she had to be home-schooled for the first 2 years of school and her family had to be very careful not to introduce germs around her), but she's now a thriving 12-year old.

The research that developed the drug that saved this girl's life was funded by the LLS. The little girl was Dr. B's.

Seeing that grown man cry tears of gratitude made me feel proud of what I am doing. I'm lucky to be whole and able to run at all, and I'm proud to be using my strength to support an organization that helps people in the way that it helped Dr. B.