Goals

It's 4:30AM. I'm up and ready to go. But in my mind, I've run this race twice today already.

During my first time through the race, I forgot to turn on my Garmin and was all out of sorts. I don't even remember having shoes on. The second time through, everything went perfectly... I was running like a Kenyan. It felt awesome. And then I woke up and realized "Oh no, you haven't even gotten started yet."

After a great deal of thought yesterday, I think it'd be a good idea to put down my real goals for today...

1. Finish without feeling like I've been hit by a truck. This is ambitious, considering how I felt after last year's race.
2. Finish in 2:45. This is my (A) time goal, the one that is a reach.
3. Finish in 3:00. This is my (B) time goal, the one I have a good chance of hitting. It's a couple of minutes faster than last year's time, so if I manage to do this, I can at least say the race was a PR, even if I miss my real time goal.
4. Get past mile 11 without wishing I was dead or wondering why I signed up in the first place. It's just a few more miles, after all. I've done 10 and it wasn't so bad. Another 3.1 won't kill me. I need to maintain perspective.
5. Avoid feeling bad about myself and doing a lot of beating myself up, regardless of my time. This is a tough spot for me.
6. Have fun and remember why I'm out there. It's not supposed to be easy (at least, not for me). I'm doing it because it's hard.

Let's hope the third time is the charm.

T-15 hours

Though it doesn't seem possible, I'm sitting in my house the day before my second half marathon. It doesn't seem possible because I don't feel nervous (really) or excited (really) about it yet. At this time last year, I was already shaking. I felt worried and scared and really really nervous. But this time around, I feel a little disappointed, but that's about it, I guess.

Maybe it's because I'm no longer a half marathon virgin. It's not my first time, so it doesn't come with all the anticipation I had last year? Still, I'd like to feel something.

When I went to the expo yesterday to pick up my bib and whatnots*, I did feel a little excited. It's hard not to, with all the running gear and race advertisements and free stuff, you know? I also felt a little unprepared. Maybe it's because I didn't train at altitude this year like I did last year? Maybe it's because I took those 2 weeks off when I was having foot problems? Maybe I feel like I haven't trained hard enough or have been too lazy with my diet? There were all these other people around, and in my mind, they'd all had a perfect training season with no missed runs, no bad runs, no runs that kicked their butts. They were all perfectly trained and simply waiting for the gun to go off so that they could have the race of their lives. Why do I let my imagination run away with me?

Truthfully, I'm a little nervous because I've set a time goal for myself that I know is going to be tough for me to meet. I'll give it my very best effort, but there is a good chance I'm going to come away from tomorrow with a great big FAIL.

Maybe now is the time to re-frame.

Good luck to all of you racing tomorrow!
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* Speaking of the Denver Marathon whatnots, way to go DM for splurging on technical shirts for all runners this year! My 2009 NewBalance running shirt is FAR better than the cotton print t-shirt you gave me last year. I'm not sure if the logo on the front was supposed to be crooked last year, but mine certainly was.

No anxiousness here...

There were many reasons why today's run was going to be bad. I ate chocolate and drank a pop this morning before noon, for instance. (What was I thinking?) But, instead of beating myself up for all the bad decisions I made today, I'm just going to blame today's disaster of a 60 minute run on the fact that after yesterday's run, anything would have seemed bad.

I was too hot, my legs were tired (not hurting, but just tired), I was in a rush to get back to work for my 6PM meeting (I know, doesn't that seem silly for an engineer to return to work for a meeting at 6PM?), I couldn't get into a groove, I ran the first mile too fast... take your pick. I have a list of excuses a fast mile long.

The truth is, it's hard to run 5 days a week, dude! By the time Thursday rolls around, I've just run Tuesday and Wednesday... and I'm kindof pooped! The rest of my excuses are pretty lame.

So, now I have a rest day, and then it's on to the (*duh duh duhhhhhh....*) super scary 1:45 run. My insecurities flare. My legs tremble in fear. My brain tries to convince me that it's impossible. But I will not be convinced. Instead, I will address my problems as all good engineers do: as a list of problems to be solved.

1.) Hydration--> I need to figure out some way to hydrate along the way. I have bought two GU packets (Tri-berry and Strawberry Banana, any recommendations?), but I'm supposed to follow those with water. I need a way to carry water and GU. Ideas? This brings me to my other "carrying" issue...

2.) iPod--> Currently, I have been carrying my iPod in my hand. I don't own one of those nifty arm iPod carrier things. I have looked, but all the ones that I find anymore are for the teeny little nanos or the ginormous iPod Video. I am considering buying a generic one (a much cheaper option) at sports authority. It won't be a perfect fit, but who cares, right?

3.) Walking--> This is a big one. So far, when I run on my own, I walk 7 minutes, then I start timing my run from there. If I'm supposed to run 30, for instance, by the time I get back my Garmin says 37. On the group runs, because it's with a group, they want us to include all walking in our total (in fact, we're not even supposed to stop our watches to go to the bathroom or stretch!). This way, we all get to the finish point at the same time. Here's my problem: I don't like including the walking. I feel like I'm cheating if I insert a little walking into my running and then just let that count toward my overall time.

3a.) Walking, continued--> I feel like I've failed if I take a break from running and walk a bit. I know I didn't on my first group run. But I did last weekend during the group run, and I normally feel that way when I do my solo runs. This is a big problem heading into this weekend's run because I feel fairly certain that I won't be able to keep up a run, even a slow run, for an hour and 45 minutes.

4.) Paranoia --> I am allowing myself to become way way way too worried about this particular run. I am setting myself up for a hugely bad day. Obviously. Someone stop me now.

That pretty much covers it. Now that you're all aware of just exactly how insane a state of panic I'm living in these days...

On a side note, I met a cat today at the Talking Book who weighed 34lbs! And it wasn't like this was a huge cat (i.e. not a tall/long/big footed/otherwise abnormal), he was just really really fat. SoxFan's dogbeast Ini weighs in at 39lbs, and he's a fully grown border collie! That poor cat looked like a basketball with legs. When he laid on his side, his little legs just stuck straight out. Poor thing. But he sure was cute.